5 Essential Communication Tips
You have done some initial research, maybe even reached out to someone in the field about becoming a surrogate, and you have done extensive thinking about whether being a surrogate is right for you. And now you need to talk to those closest to you and ultimately decide together if this is the right choice for you and your family. This step can be somewhat intimidating as you have just come to this significant stage yourself and you do not know how others in your life will react.
Having a strong support system is a critical requirement to become a surrogate, which is why communicating your desires to your family and close friends and getting their approval is so important. In fact, having the needed support is a central recommendation of the American Society of Reproductive Medicine and one that Capital Surrogacy looks for when looking for a surrogate candidate. All pregnancies, including surrogacy pregnancies, require help and encouragement from loved ones and it is a central characteristic of a successful surrogacy journey.
In most cases, your family and close friends will be proud that you are considering such an incredible act of kindness. As a surrogate myself, I am happy to share a few tips that you will hopefully find helpful in this stage of the surrogacy journey. Of course, as each surrogate’s motivations are unique, each family has its own distinct circumstances. Ideally, the tips will serve as a guide from which to begin conversations.
Tip #1: Research!
Just as you did, your family is going to have many questions about surrogacy, and while you won’t be able to answer all their questions, being able to answer as many as possible will facilitate the conversations. There are many resources out there about surrogacy including essential information from Resolve and How to be a Surrogate Mother. Also, we at Capital Surrogacy would be happy to answer any questions you may have, so please complete the surrogacy inquiry form or call our Case Manager directly at (202) 301-3890.
Tip #2: Be honest and forthcoming about why you want to become a surrogate
One of the biggest questions your loved ones and others may have is – why would you want to become a surrogate? While the answer will be different for every surrogate, helping your family to fully understand why you want to do this will help. For me, I wanted to be able to be a part of something bigger than myself and remember telling my family this central reason many times as we discussed surrogacy.
Tip #3: Keep things simple
This tip is more for when you are talking to your children about becoming a surrogate. Kids are curious and smart, but I found it helpful to keep things simple and use terms my kids would be able to easily understand. For instance, when they asked why I would have a baby for someone else, I explained that the family couldn’t have their own baby, that having a baby was the most wonderful thing ever, and that I wanted to be able to help the family have a baby of their very own. Being honest with your children is important, but so is explaining things in a way they would understand, so that they are truly part of the experience.
Tip #4: It’s okay to be selective in who you tell
It is important to have a strong support system during the surrogacy journey. You will want to be able to share the joys and challenges that come with being a surrogate with those closest to you. Also, you should feel comfortable asking for help, from those you have chosen to share the surrogacy journey with, but no surrogate walks this journey alone. Having a strong and supportive group no matter how big or small is a very important piece to a successful surrogacy experience. You may wish to tell each and every person about becoming and being a surrogate. And that is wonderful. Or you may wish to be more selective in who you share the news with. It is important to tell whoever you are comfortable with sharing this amazing decision with, but it is also okay being comfortable with not sharing your thoughts and decisions with everyone.
Tip #5: Help your family process
Your loved ones may need time to process and think through the discussions. Give them some time and the reassurance that you will help answer any additional questions they may have now or in the future. If there were specific resources that you found helpful while making your own decision, perhaps share them as well. And if they are already supportive of your decision, now may be a good time to ask them if they would be willing to help you in the specific way you need them to with the process. Those who decide to support you will get to be a part of this life-changing and impactful choice you have made together!
We encourage all surrogates to contact Capital Surrogacy and learn more about us. We want all surrogates to have an amazing journey! Please visit and complete the short surrogate inquiry form, we cannot wait to hear from you!
