An Important Part of the Surrogacy Process
After a great deal of preparation, a milestone in the surrogacy journey is here – the match meeting! Until this point in the surrogacy process, both the intended parent(s)s and surrogate have been asked about their surrogacy preferences, including the characteristics that they need from one another to make the experience fulfilling and successful. There has also been a great deal of written information shared about all parties. It is indeed a good match on paper. However, the match meeting will show if there is true chemistry between all participants so that a trusting relationship will last for 9 months, and hopefully, for many years to come.
There will undoubtedly be jitters both before and during the match meeting. The intended parents may have never met a surrogate before and are curious about the type of woman that would give such as selfless gift. They may also worry about her partner/spouse and how he truly feels about surrogacy. Most importantly, they may be meeting the woman who will be responsible for developing and caring for their baby until birth and potentially changing their lives forever for the better.
On the other hand, the surrogate may worry that she will not be selected as the surrogate. She may worry that she is not enough in some way. Also, she may be concerned that she and the intended parents come from different walks of life and will not connect on a personal level.
All participants in the match meeting will be a bit nervous but all share the desire to connect and to engage in a surrogacy journey that will be positive and gratifying for everyone involved.
Here are a few tips for making the match meeting as productive and memorable as possible:
- Celebrate this milestone – You and your agency have accomplished a great deal to get to this point in the surrogacy process. See it as a success and an important achievement on the way to realizing your surrogacy goals.
- Trust in the meeting facilitator – If you are working with a top surrogacy agency, the match meeting facilitator will be experienced in running the match meeting. She will direct the conversation and make sure that the conversation flows easily. Most importantly, she will make sure that the important and even difficult topics are touched upon so that future conversations can be about getting to know one another on a personal level and planning steps in the process.
- Come prepared for the meeting – A good amount of written information on the parties is available and it is important to review this information carefully. If there are any questions, try to ask the surrogacy ahead of the match meeting. The match meeting should primarily be for getting to know one another and setting the foundation for an ongoing relationship.
- Reach out to the surrogacy agency afterwards, if needed – A reputable agency has a great deal of experience in successful matches. If needed, do not hesitate to contact the agency after the match meeting to ask questions and gather additional feedback. It is an opportunity to further process parts of the match meeting.
- Surrogacy agreement is the time for negotiation – Before the match meeting, the more central decisions should already have been made such as the base compensation amount, the IVF clinic and if necessary the monitoring clinic, and how soon to begin the embryo transfers. The details will then be specified in the surrogacy agreement – after the match meeting and not at the meeting.
- Do not despair if there isn’t a connection – If either party is not satisfied with the match, be open with the surrogacy agency. It is much easier to not move forward than to have issues later in the surrogacy journey when the emotional and financial stakes are higher. Your agency will find another surrogate or intended parent(s) that are more suitable. Honest communication with your surrogacy agency is key at this point.
In most cases, both the surrogate and the intended parent(s) will know immediately if it is a great match. At Capital Surrogacy, you will have a partner at the time of matching and at every step of the process. We encourage all prospective intended parents and surrogates to contact Capital Surrogacy and learn more about our processes and overall philosophy. Please visit and complete the short contact form, we cannot wait to hear from you!
