A Partner’s Perspective on Surrogacy
When a woman decides to become a surrogate, she brings her husband/partner, along with close family and friends with her on the surrogacy journey. In fact, it is necessary to bring those closest to her along. A strong support network is essential for a successful surrogacy experience. But what if her partner or close family are not on board with her desire to become a surrogate? How does she pursue her dreams of becoming a surrogate without harming some of the most central relationships in her life? Please read on as we discuss one surrogate’s decision to start a surrogacy journey and persuading her husband to support her.
When our Case Manager, Kendra, mentioned to her close family that she wanted to become a surrogate, her family had immediate worries. Most importantly, they were concerned about her overall health and the impact surrogacy would have on the family dynamic including the family’s busy daily routine. How would surrogacy change the functioning of an already active family both in the short term and even in long term, if the surrogacy pregnancy were to impact Kendra’s health.
To this day, Kendra would say that her husband never got 100% on board with surrogacy, but the support he gave was more than enough to sustain her in the surrogacy process. He gave Kendra 100% support in following her dream of becoming a surrogate. He supported her in achieving her goals, even as she worked through the steps and even challenges that she encountered along the way. Here are the lessons that Kendra took from her surrogacy journey to share with other surrogate candidates whose loved ones aren’t readily giving their support.
- Ongoing Conversation is Key
It is crucial to discuss surrogacy often and as long as needed to get support from partners and close family especially if they know little or nothing about surrogacy. Some couples need months, even years, to come to a mutual decision about starting the surrogate process – and this is OK.
Kendra suggests that you learn as much as possible about the surrogate process so that you can provide informed answers – because there will undoubtedly be many questions. Questions about surrogacy information could include – How does it all work medically? Would the surrogate be genetically related to the child? What medications will a surrogate be taking and how will the medications affect her? Will she be able to give the baby away after birth?
Be prepared and know the answers to these types of questions. Also, know where to point loved ones if they would like to do their own research. Nothing is more convincing than getting the answers firsthand. A surrogacy agency professional can even speak with the surrogate candidate’s partner and answer all questions in a comprehensive and knowledgeable manner.
- Have your Loved Ones be Involved in the Process
Sometimes surrogate candidates take the reins and do not involve their partners or close family members in the decision-making process or the actual journey. However, if a loved one is part of the process, including getting to know the intended parents, attending clinic appointments to understand the medical steps, and then being at subsequent OB appointments to make sure that the surrogate is healthy and well cared for during the pregnancy, the overall journey will be more relaxed and straightforward.
- Explain that Becoming a Surrogate has Benefits for the Entire Family
Surrogacy really helps both families, that of the surrogate and the intended parents. In a way, the surrogate’s children will witness a true act of generosity and altruism, a lesson that they will remember their entire lives. A strong bond typically takes place between the surrogate’s family and the intended parents since the experience is so personal and life-changing.
And in very practical terms, being a surrogate has financial benefits for her entire family. Whether it is setting up a college fund for the surrogate’s children, the surrogate being able to stay home with her children, starting a business, or simply improving the family’s quality of life, it can be achieved through compensation from surrogacy.
Kendra will begin a second surrogacy journey soon and her husband wants to be more involved this time. Most importantly, he wants to know the intended parents more deeply and he wants to understand the medical process in more detail. He supported Kendra in her first surrogate journey because he cares for his wife and would support her in anything that she sets her mind to. In addition, he has seen firsthand the benefits that surrogacy has brought to his entire family. He also knows the additional confidence, purpose and self-worth that being a surrogate has given to Kendra. If surrogacy has given his family so much, how could he not only 100% support her in the next journey, but also be as involved as possible because he now understands that surrogacy is meaningful and life-changing. Surrogacy can positively influence everyone involved.
At Capital Surrogacy, we will gladly answer any questions you or your loved ones have regarding surrogacy. We would also be happy to meet with a partner or family member that wants to know more about the process and how it may impact their entire family. Capital Surrogacy supports our surrogates in every step of the journey including the very first steps.
Please visit and complete the short surrogate inquiry form, we cannot wait to hear from you!
